he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
