I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
