the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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