i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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