Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
