I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
