I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
