it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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