Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
