1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
operation harelip BJ is a go
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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