if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish my penis had an off switch
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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