break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
