Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
