so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
