when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
