six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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