Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
In other news, I just burned my penis
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
