why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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