i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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