Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
