He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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