idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
