What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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