yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
