I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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