you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
