I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize