After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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