dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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