can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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