I skipped work to stalk him.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
