I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
