I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were trust falling into bushes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
