This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
