My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
