I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
