Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
