if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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