I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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