In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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