Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
