She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
