Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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