can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
