It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
