I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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