I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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