They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
