okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
