you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
