Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
