For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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