Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
no. you can't hotbox the world.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
