Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
