He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
