Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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