What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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