I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
