ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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