I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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