Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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