So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
