True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
two words...techno handjob
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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