you didnt know i had herpes?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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