The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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