Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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