So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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