I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
