I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We are two peas in an std pod
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
