when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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