My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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