you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize