Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
