Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
