I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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