drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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