yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
