I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
