you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
