I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
