I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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