I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this just has baby written all over it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
