If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
