I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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