Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's blow job season.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
