So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
zippers are such a cool invention
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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