he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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